I love Jesus so much ... and i have depression.

i love jesus so much. and i have depression.

one day, i asked god to give me more influence in the lives of those around me.  

shortly after that, i was walking thru my newly exposed, seasoned, hidden struggle with depression and anxiety.  ever since i can remember, i have struggled with both.  and now, i am 29, fumbling thru the path of how to walk in the awkwardness of embracing this new thing, that isn't so new.  it is new to being exposed, but not new in the respect that its just always been there.  i am beginning to believe that my full healing will come as i continue to gingerly walk thru the hell of the darkness of depression, and the shame of anxiety.  unashamedly embracing what has been there all along.  my name is erica. i am a teacher, a daughter, a leader in an amazing ministry, i try to be a good friend, i crack myself up, desperately in love with jesus … and i have depression.  and guess what … it’s ok.

i ran into an old colleague from one of my former jobs.  i ran into her at the gym.  it was cool to see her again and get an update on her life.  she asked me if i was seeing anyone. what i wanted to say was “yea actually! I'm seeing two guys.  one is older, one is younger.  the younger one is my therapist. i see him a couple times a month.  and then the older one is a doctor. a doctor of psychiatry. and i see hime about once a month.”  i laughed to myself and had to suppress my secret inner giggle.