I hope you do. obviously the title I chose ... made you WANT to read it, right? Maybe even just a little bit? possibly? Anyway. I wanted to share again, a little deeper, about the link that I posted and shared last night. The Apple commercial. Yea, that one. The one about a young woman who is creative, but is so critical of herself, that every time she prints something off, she scowls at it and tucks it into a box and hides it away. until one day, her trusty dog nudges open her apartment window, allowing her designs to blow out into the night. she chases after them, because she doesn't want anyone to see them.
lets back up.
you want to know the chain of thoughts that went through my head (isn't that what blogging is all about anyway?) when this commercial first came on? I was sitting on the couch, only half able to see the tv because our tree is up and lit. Landon was playing on the floor and I was about to join him. we were watching Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. you know, the one with the red headed Santa? he falls in love with a blonde school teacher named Miss Jessica? That one. cut to commercial. The young woman actually caught my attention as the commercial played. I paid more attention to the commercial than I did the rest of the classic cartoon. it really hit me. hard. the young woman even resembled me a little bit. Dark, curly brown hair, freckles. The same scowl when I design something that I think looks like a disaster. her desire to hide. I was immediately hooked. and then, the arrow into my heart ... the song that played in the background, I'd never heard it before. the lyrics said, "don't hide ..." which is something I have mastered.
the commercial continued to unfold, and I held back tears the whole time, because other people were in the room, and would absolutely wonder why the hell I was crying at a commercial. I searched it on YouTube when I was alone and let myself feel the entirety of the message that Apple was sharing. I cried some tears. You'll be able to view the full commercial below. It is fantastic. I am going to download the song too. It's by Billie Eilish called "Come Out and Play"
See what some do not know, is that I took a leap. I decided I would share the creativity I've kept to myself. almost 8 weeks ago, a job posting came up. it was for a marketing assistant. I had been looking for a new job since the beginning of September. I finally got to the point where I realized, I haven't loved any job ive ever had. and it's because I have always hidden myself. I haven't wanted to feel the pain of rejection, especially as it pertains to something that ive created. remember as a kid, when you would make your project at school and you would be SO excited to give it to mom or dad? and you were so stinking proud of it? when you create something, it's from your heart. imagine the pain of having something rejected that came from your heart. how much would that hurt? a lot. So for years, I have kept myself hidden behind things that I KNOW I can do and people approve of those things. I can teach. I am good with kids. Im somewhat intelligent. I write on my blog sometimes. I can take really good care of people. I'm really good at letting myself be needed. But I've run out of pretending. My cup is dry. I decided at the ripe old age of 32, I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to have a career in design. with no schooling, a bunch of self-taught technology and software programs and years of practice and experience.
So I updated my resume that incidentally was toast when my computer decided to not work, after I decided I was going to go for my dream of a design job. it was actually quite comically heartbreaking. anyway ... I decided I was gonna go for this position. I began printing out a portfolio of some of my personal favorite designs and put them in pages in a binder. mailed my cover letter and resume and had to wait for the entire month of October until the job posting closed.
I was really feeling like this was it. I was excited ... but not too excited because what if it didn't work out? fast forward through October to November 2, a Friday. I had just gotten home from work and was vegging after a long stressful week of kids and halloween and late nights. I was watching FRIENDS. (Phoebe is my favorite). The phone rang, it said City of Port Huron. an interview request. I was so excited after I hung up that I screamed "wooooo!!!" from downstairs and my dad came running down bc he thought something was wrong.
I had 4 days to prepare, I researched FAQ for interviews, specific to my profession I was going for. I took notes, read them over, practiced on my drive to and from work for 4 straight days. I walked into that interview the most confident I have ever felt in my life about anything challenging in front of me.
I NAILED that interview. it was perfect. I shocked myself. I walked outa there and was like, "yea, I got it. there's no way they'll say no." I had to wait until Friday bc they had interviews all that week. I still felt mega confident. Friday came, I wasn't chosen. But I was invited back for a second round, bc she had so many good applicants. Monday at 3pm I was to show up at the office and had to complete 5 different design assignments in 2 hours. Mind you ... I usually need 2 hours for one assignment to really sink my teeth into it, design a couple things that I hate and THEN the money design comes out.
I designed my little heart out. It was a ton of fun. I was proud of them. I was sure. I had to wait another week to find out. That Friday I was running through the drive thru at Panera for lunch after work. I pulled out my phone (which for 3 months has doubled as my speedometer) and perused my email while I was waiting. I saw an email from the city of Port Huron. I didn't even have to open it because I knew ... what company emails you and offers you a position? None im sure. I paid for my food, drove to the secluded area of the Target parking lost across the way, opened up the email, read that I wasn't chosen and cried my eyes out. For 45 minutes, I sat in my warm, running truck crying and praying and ashamedly letting people who knew i was waiting for this fateful call, that I didn't get it. each text and email felt like a hard punch in the gut.
I had shared my heart, my design abilities, something ive kept hidden and to myself and the pain of rejection felt personal. In the email I received back, I was told "even though you were not selected for this position, your interview was the warmest we've had in a long time and your credentials and designs were impressive, you're very good .... " etc etc etc but not why I wasn't chosen.
In that moment, I uttered out a prayer that I could barely even understand. I thanked God for the door that was just slammed shut. and asked him to open the next one. so here I am ... 10 days after that slammed door, wondering what to do next. This apple commercial inspired me to keep believing that God created me with abilities unique only to me. and that I deserve to go after something like a career in design. ive continued to search every day since that disgusting Friday afternoon. Not finding anything that isn't more than an hour drive away and requiring some kind of bachelors in design. I don't know. my palms are up because He's the one who told me to move. I'm trusting he is making my paths straight, bc he promised he would.
I hope you enjoy this commercial like I did.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dJCroCMBPM
