Tuesday, July 5, 2016

feel my love

no one may ever read this.  but if for my own sake to document it, when i need to be reminded of the love that passionately, relentlessly pursues me.  ripping through barriers, boundaries and bullshit.  (sorry)

tonight after i returned from the gym, i sat down after my shower and fixing up my mop top.  i just began to cry because something deep in my soul just longed for Jesus.  Just to sit on the floor across from him and tell him about what i felt towards him.  to hear about what kind of miracles he got to be part of today.  people he rescued, marriages he restored, chaos he brought peace to.  but i can't have that yet.  at least not this side of eternity.  one day, i will sit on the floor of heaven and sit eye to eye with the King.  until then, i long.  

as i sat and let tears finally, freely fall from my eyes without an ounce of shame, i mustered out a one sentence prayer.  i just looked up and said, as if he were kneeling in front of me, waiting for me to tell him what i needed, "God, help me to feel your love again."  

something i struggle so much with is my ability to hear God.  i am learning to give him more credit.  who gave me my brain, and my ability to process?  He did.  So instead of doubting what so quickly came into my head after i lifted that feeble little prayer, i acted on it.  

"God, help me to feel your love again."  Boom.  the song that rolled through my head was an older one.  It is by Garth Brooks.  God chased me down with a secular song.  The song is called, "To Make You Feel My Love."  i let the words wash over my heart, and even as it plays now, i know that he is the one who is singing over me.  "he rejoices over me with singing."  

i can know that he will always come after me.

here is the link to the song: