finally...i caved.

ok. time to update.  So this will be the 3rd time i will have attempted to post this dang thing.  i tried the first time and was actually pleasantly happy with the way my writing turned out.  then i hit publish. and i got an error message. i was PIIIISSSSSED!!!! i frantically searched my history, no luck. with no luck, hit the back button. my last hope was to check the drafts section of my posts...gahhh!!! it wasn't there either.  so begrudgingly, i redid another one.  but this time, i copied it! i opened my email and hit paste and nothing came up. tried again. nothing. and one more time...still nothing.  so i hit publish. and i hit that error message again. feeling my hopes fall i decided to shut off my iPod and quit it.  seriously, my 2nd post of the original was less than adequate. so. i gave it a few days. and im going to attempt one last time, hoping the error messages have ceased to exist. for the sake of me pulling out another patch of hair. (just kidding...i could never pull out enough of my hair). 
ready. begin.

Hi. I'm Erica. a different one than before.  still me. just...different. changed. im still stubborn. one of my best qualities.  my stubbornness got in the way, but then one day, it didn't.  and then one day, i remembered God has called me to do something. something amazing.  amazing because He is amazing.  not because i am. 

That being said, i'll form a new paragraph, because I'm starting a new thought. i learned to do that in one of my classes.  not math class. i hate math. for the past 4 months, i have been constantly becoming undone with the knowledge of how...(i need to make sure i get this right)...gently-kind-hearted God is to me.  How incredibly patient He is.  oh my goodness.  i felt like the children of Israel, walking around, wondering what in the heck i was accomplishing.  then one day, i sent an email to a church i had been going to for a couple Sundays.  then a day after that i got a return email. then the day after that i met with Julie.  the week after that i was volunteering in the offices a few times a week.  then a few weeks after that, i finally stepped into the cusp of what God has been slowly revealing to me all along.  my heart is enveloped in the next generation. to equip them and raise them up to equip and raise up the generation behind them...to know God and His loving kindness.  His mercy. His forgiveness.  to be a part of raising up a real generation to serve and know a real Jesus. cuz He is real.

For the past couple months, i've been absolutely incredibly blessed to be able to have the opportunity to serve God alongside one of the best "yellows" i've ever had the privilege of meeting.  in a nutshell, i shadow my church's youth pastor.  and when i say she's incredible...i have seriously and superlatively missed the mark in describing just how blessed i am to serve God with her.  to weave in and out of the lives of the youth that come every Sunday night, sewing seeds of goodness and mercy. of truth and trust.

Thanks a lot, youth group. and Sarah. and Laura. because for the past couple of months i have been feeling a bit more frustrated. a bit more blah.  a bit more restless.  in regards to my job.  most of you know that im a patient sitter at the hospital. i sit with suicide precaution, elderly/dementia patients 4 nights a week.  and after almost 12 months of being yelled at, kicked at, scratched, punched, cussed out and felt up by an old man with Alzheimer's, i'm so glad i've finally caved and begun to walk into the fullness of what God has molded my heart to do. when i first noticed my shorter patience (i have a lot of it, don't worry), i wondered why.this is it: it's because I'm finally doing something that fulfills my heart and touches only the surface of my destiny, in serving the youth group at my church.  not sitting with patients, at least not forever, in an either freezing cold, dark hospital room, or a sauna-like, bright as the surface of the sun ER room, contemplating my nearest escape if  patient X decides to become combative towards me. but to truly truly serve God with others that love Him and follow Him wherever He leads them.  it just so happens He is leading me into the brokenness and triumphs of the lives of young people.

and i'm so lucky to be on this journey with some of the most                                                                                                amazing people i have ever met.  (yes, that is a shout-out)