I almost missed it

That sounds like a pretty loaded title for a post. one that MIGHT have even made you wonder long enough what it was about that you just HAD to click on it and read it. sucker!
just kidding...thank you for reading.

(i just thought this was funny)

what did i almost miss? Why, my blogger anniversary date!!! and since honesty is a good policy, i must be honest and say...i did in fact miss it. i'm 2 days late.  my first blog post was January 20th, 2011.   also it's been nearly 2 weeks since i've posted. i figured maybe it was time to post. 

in honor of my 1 year blogger anniversary, i went back and read my first official post...ya know, the one after you announce to the world you're actually bold enough to publish your thoughts outside the realm of a facebook status, or a #.  (Twitter)  ;)  yea. that one.  it spoke of yearning.  and as i reflected, because that's what i do, i reflect on things. and so as i reflected i thought, "i must be so much further than when i first wrote that post."  and while that remains true, i still find myself snug within the confines of yearning. by the time i reached the paragraph that desicribed my state of yearning, i realized that as i read the way in which i described it, i'm still there.  kind of.

when i wrote that post, i wasn't going to church.  i had just started a new job.  i was helping out a hockey team.  i was busy.  i concluded that my yearning back then really was for God...but not in the way i yearn now for Him.  Today.  Today i have a church. i have new friends. the same job viewed in a different light.  no hockey team.  incredible leaders over me...and for me <---(thats most important). i have a greater depth of understanding, knowledge, love, grace and forgiveness of the Father.  He really is for me. 

And though yes, i still yearn, my yearning isn't necessarily the same as it was a year ago.  i still yearn for the things of God. but most importantly, i yearn for Him.  not just the 'things' that come with it.  (those are an added bonus!)  And although, yes, i could still describe the depth of my yearning, sometimes Jesus is the only One who really knows how you feel.  whether i write a million words, or just a few. 

So. In honor of this marvelous occassion, i'll share again my yearning.  with a greater understanding, a new depth. and even when i grow old and wither away, i will have never even grasped the cusp of the newness of God.  He is infinite.

"The kind of yearning that sometimes only a song sung to a quiet strum of a guitar can describe what you feel so deep inside. The innocence of each chord picked, like the breath of a newborn baby as it enters the world for the first and only time, it echoes the yearning that stretches out across your heart.
And though at times, the yearning is even painful, having that sense of yearning completely satisfied is something that i don't ever want to experience while on this earth. Save it for eternity. I need Him. So desperately. So desperate in fact...my thoughts fumble around searching for the words to come splashing out over my lips that would cause Him to understand the validity of my plea. Rest, you fluttering, floating, feeble faith,
He already knows. "