Running rapid

my thoughts run. My legs try to run. My emotions run. My patience. Rapid. Like the swift moving part of a river. The white foam of the over-churned exhausted water rises to the surface. White water rapids. Bubbling. Gaining strength and losing control at the same time. Like the man I'm sitting with at work tonight rapidly throws out fragments of sentences that make no sense. So I fragment my thoughts on a blog post. He's barking like a dog. Whistling. Talking about women. Tapping. Staring. Talking to no one. I've been pretty controlled. I've done pretty well keeping myself tightly contained. Sealed air tight. But I'm human. I can't keep it up for long. Today I snapped. At a cd. That wouldn't do what I wanted it to. It's supposed to play songs. It's supposed to do what it's made to do. But it wouldn't. And I snapped. Driving home from my grandmas. I wanted to listen to a song on my cd. And the stupid thing wouldn't play. After trying it at least half a dozen times. I pulled it from the cd player and chucked it at my floor. Like a frisbee. I'm not perfect. Surprise! And maybe I swore at the car that passed a slow-moving car in front of it. Yea. I did. I had to slam on my brakes bc the car that was passing the slow car was coming right at me. Extremely fast. I even messed up instant mashed potatoes!!!! I couldn't even get that right! Or boil a friggen bag of egg noodles! They were crunchy! What the hell is wrong with me!???! But I sure can stir the fizz out of a shot of Diet Vernors! My grandma is full after a tablespoon of instant mashed potatoes. A spoonful of apple sauce. And a shot of flat fizzed out diet Vernors. I'm not mad at God. Im not angry or bitter at Him. He didn't make my grandma get cancer. He didn't choose her name over someone else bc He likes her less. A year ago I might've believed that. So I'm glad it didn't happen then. My emotions are always showing up at the worst times. It's usually when I'm in public. Or driving somehwere. They are one more thing that I'm slowly losing control of. I suck at containing them lately. Since my emotions have feelings too, I'd say they are pretty pissed at me for not letting them feel. They should be pretty forgiving though after the way I let them run rapid today.