A tiny post about a big "F" word

It's not what you think. My "f" word is controversial, yes. Offensive, maybe. It might even pack a mean punch. In a world that lives and breathes off of negativity and fear, I have chosen to, somewhat fearfully, live a life of faith.  Living courageously doesn't mean we do it with the complete absence of fear. Sometimes, as Jocye Meyer has said, "you gotta do it afraid."  So here's a short word on the "f" word...faith.

I wish I could accurately describe what the last 8 months of my life has been like. 

If ever I have experienced the truth of God's Word in a season, it has been this last one. The one that is over. But that tries to tell me it's not. The dust tries to hold on for dear life. And I keep trying to shake it off.

For the better part of my life, I chose to live in fear and to believe the lies that the devil suffocated me with. I made decisions based out of fear. I watched things die bc of my fear. And in the midst of fear and failure, I've chosen to spray out the stench of those two "f" words with unbridled, and absolute foolish faith. 

I invoked my right to remain silent as I allowed for the enemy to arrest my soul with his putrid lies. But Born in the dust of my failure, God had already manufactured a miracle. And my unbridled, foolish faith grew legs and started walking. Wobbly at first, and now learning to stand and believe for things that aren't as though they are staring me right in the face. Things that I cannot reach out and touch yet but believe with all my heart that I actually am touching them. 

On my journey thru life, I have hurt people. People I love so very much. I've come to see the truth of the cliche saying "hurt people hurt people." I allowed my hurt of what I needed and didn't get as a kid to dictate my selfish nature. I became a "taker" and found that I was actually more empty the more I took. 

So now, I am choosing to believe in faith, with faith and by faith...that God had a plan of restoration before any of my failures breathed their first breath. I am choosing to believe by faith...that on the ground of my greatest failures and mistakes, His grace will promote a story of redemption and restoration.  Something more precious than gold.  Something more special than anything materialistic. I'm believing by faith...that He's not done with me yet. I'm believing by faith...that my disappointments are setups for divine appointments.