How I (almost) Died on the Mountaintop

When you climb up something really high ... there's a phrase that is familiar that we find some kind of faux comfort in.  "Don't look down!"  And more often than not ... we look down.  I was in the "not" part of that statement for a LONG time.  I didn't look down.  I refused to look down.  I kept looking up.  It all sounds well and good.  It sounds so positive and ambitious.  I kept climbing the mountain!  Look at me!  I'm gonna keep going up, im gonna keep climbing while all you other fools are down there ... in the valley.  I almost died up there.

I didn't want to climb the mountain so that way i could survey my next piece of land from a more grandieose view.  I climbed the mountain because who in their right mind desires to walk in a valley? 
"Though I walk through the VALLEY of death..."  Surely only those who have chosen to settle, who don't have the strength to make the climb, make their home in the valley.  Only those who have strong faith and determination decide to risk it all and climb that mountain!  But I almost died up there.

If this all sounds backwards from here on out, then healing must take our messed up ending and walk us back through our pain till we get back to the beginning and then we are able to make a different choice. 

I finally made it back to my beginning ... about 12 months later.  That's what grace is ... it walks you through your pain, allows you to see the places where your choices nearly cost you your life and opens your eyes to the valley.  There have been many painful times in my walk with God where I felt like I was walking through the valley.  Grace has allowed me to look back and see that I spent too much time without air on the mountain.  All the while, despising the valley down below.  Watching those close to me walk, camp, live, find sustaining life in the valley. 

I'm not actually a climber ... but i know enough about mountains to know that the higher you climb, the less oxygen there is to breathe.  The air becomes thin, your breathing labors and plantlife decreases.  I almost died up there.  That's how high I was.  My desent from the mountain was just as painful as the climb up the other side. 

I climbed up the mountain of my talents and worshipped the gods of my comfort.  My intelligence swallowed up my humility.  My sarcasm stopped up the love in my heart for my friends.  My mountaintop adventure fogged up my vision of Jesus ... down in the valley.  The mountain hardened my heart and melted my relationships.  I almost died up there.

I began to make an 8-month journey down this mountain.  And it started when God asked me to do something that I actually decided I should do.  I stepped down from doing things that i loved.  Because i was doing things.  Things.  I lost the art of being ... and i started doing.  I was doing things to gain others' attention, affection, appreciation.  I did very little to gain His attention.  But He did everything necessary in order to gain mine.  He took away the 'stuff ' and i was stripped down to near nothing.  Until i face planted into the deepest part of the valley ... where the most air is, where the most life lives, where the grass is lush and green.  I plummeted into the valley ... willingly. 

Joshua was the successor to one of the greatest leaders in time ... Moses.  Joshua spent time with Moses, learned from him, walked with him, saw the things he saw.  Then Moses died.  And Joshua was faced with a challenge from God.  But He was encouraged beforehand to be strong and courageous.  I've lived long enough to know that courage is only needed when fear stands in front of you.  Certainly, Joshua needed courage because something awaited him beyond that encouragement from His Creator.  So Joshua went.  God told him that He had already delivered the land into his hands, but that he and the Israelites had to go get it. 

"That night, Joshua went into the valley."  {Battle at Ai}  (Joshua 8:13) 

He went willingly into the night and down into the valley ... in order that he might experience the victory.  Moses knew just what his successor would inherit.  Because God showed him on the top of a mountain called Mount Horeb.  Moses died on that mountaintop right after God showed him the Promised Land.  And Joshua saw victory in the valley.       

I almost died on the mountaintop.  But now i live in victory as i walk in the valley.